CHAMPIONS

of CHANGE

preventing child sexual abuse and supporting survivors

Just one step at a time

May 13, 2016

by Amber Wright

 

My childhood has been filled with joy and pain, some of that pain was from being sexually abused during my childhood. This has helped build who I am today; with this experience I have found it necessary to explore who I am and what my experiences mean to me.

 

This is how I found beauty within me.

 

Some people would think that a “Victim”/ a “Survivor”/ an “Abused” person/ etc. would live life always thinking that they are “ugly”, “horrible”, a “slut”, “stupid”, “wrong”, “gross”, or would barely acknowledge who they are, all their life. I believe this is a myth.

 

I do not believe I am ugly, horrible, a slut, stupid, wrong, gross, or non-existent; I believe I am a Phoenix, a Healer, an Embracer, a person who can live, and so much more. Yes, I have been a victim, I am a survivor, I am a person who was abused, and I may forget to appreciate who I am, but these labels are just that; these labels are not all of who I am, they are not what controls me, and I decide what labels I am because I know my reality.

 

For many years I have let others define my reality and say who I am, but after taking my journey where I can embrace healing myself, I believe I am who defines my reality and I say who I am… no one else.

 

Over the years I have had ups and down, times when I love being around and times I hate being part of life, and I have had joy and I have had pain. In my experience, these emotions do not go away, and I believe they should not. Each day I get to see who I am. I get to see what is new about me. I get to explore what life has to offer me… no matter the changing emotions, the changing states of self, and the changing trust I have with the world and my life. What I can depend on is the ability to explore who I am and what my experiences mean to me.

 

Life for me (and probably for everyone) is not a world filled with only rainbows, only butterflies, only positivity, or only joy and happiness. Life is filled with changes and wonders. As a person who was sexually abused during my childhood, I have the power and the choice on how I see my experience. I can choose to see the abuse as something that defines me in a negative light, like accepting myself to be damaged, hopeless, ugly, gross, or horrible; or I can choose to see the abuse as something that let me find my “super powers”; I am a Phoenix who has a passion in showing others that they are a Phoenix as well, in this I found my compassion for others, for who I am and for who I want to be. The abuse I experienced was not the end of my life; my abuse was part of my life and still is part of my life; I choose every day to use my abuse as something to motivate myself to embrace life and to embrace my definition of who I am.

 

I end this message to you, and to anyone who might need this message, with a poem I wrote to remind myself… I choose how to live my life and how I want to look at my life. Enjoy and thank you for hearing my personal thoughts and my personal experience.

 

 

DIFFICULT

 

It’s difficult to go without life,

 

I tell myself, just one step at a time

 

It’s difficult to get rid of my life,

 

I tell myself, just one step at a time

 

It’s difficult to hurt myself,

 

I tell myself, just one step at a time

 

It’s difficult to find justice,

 

I tell myself, just one step at a time

 

It’s difficult to find the rainbow,

 

I tell myself, just one step at a time

 

It’s difficult to believe in someone,

 

I tell myself, just one step at a time

 

It’s difficult to believe in myself,

 

I tell myself, just one step at a time

 

It’s difficult to love someone,

 

I tell myself, just one step at a time

 

It’s difficult to love myself,

 

I tell myself just one step at a time

 

It’s difficult to go through life,

 

I tell myself, just one step at a time

 

Life is difficult…

 

But one step, is all I need;

 

Why not see where the step takes me?

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